Why Me by Sarah Burleton

Author:Sarah Burleton
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Sarah Burleton
Published: 2010-09-27T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 8

Anorexic Annie

Not long after the Melissa debacle, I started to become depressed. I found it hard to eat; I was physically tired of being beaten all the time; and I had nowhere to run where anyone would treat me with kindness. I was fourteen years old and had no control over my life whatsoever. My mood depended on how my mother was feeling. But even if I left for school in the morning in a good mood, I would still be treated like scum by my peers.

Since the shoplifting incident, the kids at school had completely turned on me. They had no trouble finding reasons to pick on me, and they would relentlessly tease me about things for weeks at a time. I had no friends, no boys interested in me, and I felt completely alone. I started to punish myself mentally: I would look in the mirror and see a fat, ugly, worthless human being staring back at me. I felt lost and unloved, and I needed an answer to my problems.

One winter morning, I woke up feeling quite cranky. I had not eaten well the day before and had had a tough time getting to sleep. My stomach hurt and my head ached, but I didn’t dare complain. The last thing I wanted was to stay home from school with Mom.

I walked upstairs and passed Mom in the kitchen.

“Morning, Mom,” I said.

“Mmm-hmm.” Mom looked up at me. “Jesus—you look like shit.” She looked at RachelEmily, who was sitting at the table, and said, “How’s my pretty little girl doing?”

I put my head down and walked out of the room. I went into the bathroom, shut the door, stripped off all my clothes, and stood on the scale.

“I lost five pounds?” I said to myself. I got off the scale, checked it, and stood on it again. “140 pounds?” I was 145 just two days ago! How did I lose five pounds so fast? My stomach growled, and my eyes lit up.

“I didn’t eat!” I thought excitedly. “I am finally losing weight!”

Maybe now Mom wouldn’t call me names and make fun of my thunder thighs or cow hocks. Maybe now the boys would like me and the girls would invite me to their sleepovers again. It was almost too much for me to handle! I had barely had time to bask in the warmth of the new love I thought I would get when my mother yelled, “I don’t hear that shower running!”

For the rest of the morning I was in a daze. Mom had made eggs and bacon for breakfast, but I didn’t eat. I made up an excuse about my stomach hurting and said I would eat when I got to school. Surprisingly, Mom bought my story and didn’t give me any grief about it before I left for school. As I headed toward the front door, I spied Mom’s lip gloss on the floor and snatched it up. “I want to feel pretty today,” I said to myself.

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